crying over delicious crepes and sundaes

As much as possible, we try to learn more about our children through family meetings. This would include follow up on each one's responsibility, opinion and other matters.

This time around, Suzette wanted to talk outside our home because she was not feeling too good after talking with our eldest daughter the other day regarding relationships. So off we went along Tomas Morato looking for a place where it's convenient to talk. At first people suggested coffee shops but I objected because Jiego and Ayi are not yet allowed to have coffee.

We end up choosing Cafe Breton so that the little ones can have some dessert. Isay and Jiego had huge ice cream sundaes, while Dang and Ayi chose mouth-watering dessert crepes. 'Zet and I had coffee, hot and cold in that order plus a little of this sundae and that crepe.

Mommy then brought out a short reading that consisted of a list of different emotions and wishes of a child and asked our kids to write on a sheet of paper what struck them the most and why. Yes, 'Zet had paper and pens with her.

At first the place had not so many customers and so the children were also cozy choosing and writing their notes from the list. Then one by one we talked to them and ask them while trying to understand why they chose that particular line from the list. First came Jiego who was in tears when we were asking him why he thinks we should give him more freedom. He couldn't answer us. And so my wife tried to pry it out by telling him the things and chores that he does and ask if this was his concern. After some sorting, we understood what he meant. He does not want to be nagged on his chores but since he does not remember to do them everyday, he instead requests for a short list on what needs to be done. The list he intends to leave it in a place in his room where he can see if often thus sparing him from Mom's wrath.

Children have many emotions inside them but what they say does not necessarily describe how they feel. It's hard enough to try to have good communication with them but understanding them is of a different level. I guess no matter how many parenting courses we attend and facilitate at, it's really hard to raise our children, what with each one having different personalities and needs. It is good though that we have learned some tools in dealing with them in actuality.

Take for example Dang, our second daughter. She was also in tears when she said that we are not giving much importance to her. My wife almost fell off her chair because I agree with her when she explained to her that we are not amiss in asking her what she needs and that we really try to accommodate their wants and needs. And so after some discussions we realize that when she is saying "no, it's okay mommy", it's really the other way around. For a while we thought that every thing's comfortable with her but now we realize that we should double check on her if we really understood her right.

By this time, the place is full already and many guests are glancing at our table every now and then because from the happy festive mood that we were from the start, our faces have turned up with red eyes and noses, tears rolling down and voices somewhat either in the upper tone or hushed mode. I'm glad that the joy of eating the wonderful desserts is keeping us from ever going more emotional than we already are.

Isay on the other hand wants us out of the house more often. She believes we should be out on dates or so because she feels affected whenever Dad and Mom have some disagreements. Perhaps she also probably suspects that we are falling out of love. Hmmmm?! Just after our talk about the other day this is what she chose over the other things on the list? Is this how they look at us now? I never realized that it made them feel uncomfortable and or troubled. And so it was a chance for us to explain more to her the intricacies of being in a relationship. And we assured them all that we are still very much in love. While we were taken aback by her letter, at least it too helped us calm down a bit as Suzette and I were also beginning to having some disagreements while handling our first two children that opened up that night.

By the time Ayi was ready, everybody was in a happy mood again. Ayi's simple wants and innocence made us cheerful once more. We wrapped up with resolutions and hope for the best that we can all stand by them.

After I asked for our bill, I can't help notice the face of our waiter. I am not sure if it's a sigh of relief that he's happy we are going or he's happy that all ended well with us. But sure enough after writing this blog about a week after it happened, we remained aware and understanding of what transpired that night.